Interviewer: Grandma, could you tell me a bit about the old marriage customs in our Tujia community? I’ve heard something about crying before weddings—what’s that all about?
Grandma: Ah, yes… the crying. (Pauses, chuckling softly) That’s something every Tujia girl knew well in my time. You see, when a girl was set to marry, she didn’t just jump for joy. No, no… she would cry. And it wasn’t just a tear here and there. It was a deep, mournful cry that started weeks before the wedding—sometimes even a whole month before.
Interviewer: Crying for a whole month? But why?
Grandma: (Nods slowly) Mmm… it was our way. Back then, crying wasn’t just about being sad. It was a way to show how much a girl loved her family and how hard it was to leave them. It was also a bit of a protest, you know? Against those old arranged marriages where we didn’t have much of a say. And… (pauses) it was a measure of a girl’s virtue. A girl who could cry well, with real feeling, was seen as a good girl.
Interviewer: That’s fascinating. But how did you learn to cry like that?
Grandma: (Laughs softly, a twinkle in her eye) Oh, we started young, around twelve years old. We’d have our older sisters or an aunt teach us. They’d show us how to cry—how to make it real, from the heart. By the time we were about fifteen, we’d gather with our friends and have little crying sessions together. We’d see who could cry the best, who had the most emotion in her tears. It sounds strange now, but it was serious business back then.
Interviewer: Did you sing while you cried?
Grandma: Oh yes, there were special songs for it. (Her voice softens) We’d sing about our parents, our siblings… even the matchmaker. The words of those songs were powerful, full of longing and sorrow. It wasn’t just about being sad, though. It was our way of saying goodbye to our old life and railing against the unfairness of it all… those old feudal customs. Sometimes, just hearing those songs would bring even the hardest men to tears.
Interviewer: That’s really touching. Did the girls cry alone?
Grandma: Sometimes, yes. A girl might cry alone, singing about her fate and the deep love she had for her family. But often, she wouldn’t be alone. We had something called ‘sister crying,’ where another girl would join in. The bride would start, and then her friend would cry and sing with her, offering comfort and understanding.
Interviewer: Do girls still cry like that today?
Grandma: (Sighs, with a small smile) They do, but it’s more out of respect for tradition now. These days, girls can choose who they marry, so the crying isn’t about fighting against the old ways. But… we still cry because it’s what our mothers and grandmothers did. It’s a way to keep their spirit alive… a connection to our past.
Interviewer: Thank you, Grandma, for sharing this with me.
Grandma: (Nods, her eyes misty with memory) It’s important to remember, child. These traditions… they’re part of who we are. Even if it means shedding a few tears. (Smiles)